Temporal, Zygomatic, Buccal, Mandibular, Cervical.

Dear Guy at Union Station,

Science, and by science I mean a quick Google search and some shrugging, tells me that it takes anywhere from 26-62 muscles to smile. That same science tells me that to lose 1 pound of fat, one must burn about 3,500 calories. For a 155 lbs person, that would take about 6 hours on a treadmill at a speed of 5 mph, or roughly equal to the land speed of a Loxodonta africana, the African Bush Elephant, when height is directly compared. Walking on said treadmill would also engage the use of around 94 muscles in your basic human person.

So no, actually, turns out I’m not too fat to smile. And doing so for your sake? Would not have helped me lose any of the weight you felt the need to shame. Though walking past you may have helped me burn off some of the anger and sadness I felt at the thought of letting one asshole who felt his opinion deserved breath ruin my night. That feels pretty paleo to me.

Thank you, Guy at Union Station, for all that you do. Especially for your insights into the complex world of weight, appearance, worth, science, social acceptance, shame, and what an elephant would look like on a treadmill.

It. Was. Magical.



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